OK, so this was probably sent to me last May, if you say you are graduating. I apologize for the lateness seeing as I just became active on Tumblr again. But I feel compelled to answer this question seeing as I am almost through with college and can look back on that same situation! This is for anyone who will be facing that situation anytime soon.
When I was a junior in high school, my (first) boyfriend of 2.5 years decided to move to another state for college. While I was accepting of the fact and supported him in his decision to move away from the town 1) that he didn’t really like and 2) that he’d grown up in all his life, the reality was I was totally dreading his leaving. We decided to break up the day he left, though there was no animosity between us. I wanted him to be as happy as possible, so I wanted him to move away to one of the US’s most historic and exciting cities. I wanted him to leave me, but of course, deep down, I wanted things to be exactly like they had been since I was 14.
When my senior year began, I was torn to pieces. I missed him - literally - every minute of every day. I locked myself in my car and screamed, I cried on the phone, I sent long, rambling, sentimental letters. We grew angry at each other. I grew resentful of the girls he was seeing. He didn’t want me to keep smothering him while he was trying to experience college, so he seldom called.
And I always thought, there is NO way I am ever going to get over him.
The easy answer is, it’s extremely difficult to move away from your high school loved one when you go to college. But there is a more complicated, and more honest answer:
Moving away for college was the best decision he (and later, I) ever made for each other.
I can imagine the collective "Ok, but, not for me. Why would I want to leave the person I love?! How does that HELP us?!"
OK. When my ex-boyfriend decided to move away for college, it was extremely difficult for him, too. I wouldn’t be told all of this until later, but he missed me deeply, too. He missed our high school, his backyard, the smell of my room. A lot of times he wanted to go back to that world, to drop out, to get a job in our hometown, and to live in the life he knew made him happy. When I went to college out-of-state the following year, I often grew homesick for my mom, my sister, my best friend, eating ice cream after school and playing Zelda - the life that I knew made me and others happy. This old life wasn’t filled with travels, with heart-wrenching goodbyes, with being on one’s own, with every situation being a new one, with new people, with scary things like hookups or drinking or embarrassing yourself. Sometimes, I wanted my life back when I was 14, 15, and 16 with my boyfriend.
But if I had gone back to that life, or if he had chosen to stay and continue our relationship - none of all of the new, incredible things either of us experienced would have happened.
You learn so much about yourself when you are on your own. You become more capable, more brave, more ambitious when you throw yourself into a completely uncharted land and carve out a space for yourself. You meet people, do things, have experiences you never dreamed of. If my ex-boyfriend and I had stayed back home and continued on with our loving life, it would have been, well…
For some people this is totally enough. For some people there is so much to be learned from staying where you have been, new doors to be opened and more things to be explored. For some people moving away is not the best for them. That is wonderful. And there are others who feel compelled to find themselves elsewhere. If so, my advice is, go for it.
"But what about leaving the person I love behind?"
To end, I’m no expert, but I’ve learned a thing or two about relationships since I’ve lived away from home for the past 3+ years. Relationships with my family, my best friends, and of course, with boyfriends. The biggest thing I’ve learned about relationships is this:
You do not have to date each other to love each other.
OK, let me explain. I’ve had two boyfriends in my life. Neither of them I truly loved until long after we had broken up. I loved them while we were dating (we said, I love you!) but I didn’t truly know them until we had broken up. Breaking up teaches you a lot about another person, and if you can accept those parts you see during that time, if you can accept who they are when you aren’t dating them, and if you love them still, then you don’t need to be dating to have a true place in each other’s hearts.
OK, that was long! I apologize. Long story short: if you feel like you want to move away but are nervous about leaving your loved one, my advice is go ahead and do it. Long distance relationships can work! But, breaking up works too. If you are both strong and compassionate, you will never lose each other’s love, it will only grow.
Take this from someone who can look back on it: your boyfriend/girlfriend in high school cannot teach you everything and cannot help you grow fully. Only you can do that.
Suggested reading: graphic novel “Goodbye, Chunky Rice" by Craig Thompson, about this exact scenario.
NO MORE FEAR!
Now y’all can get dumb art from me all the time! ^
Thank you for your kind message!! It’s an honor to know my art was so appreciated. See you around Tumblr!
Helllll yeah! I’m happy to be back too! It was nice to take a break from the internet (with the exception of facebook and stalking artists’ websites) while I went through my first 3 years of college. At the same time I have a really awesome group of people here (and from DeviantART!) that I’m so happy to reconnect with. Thank you for your message dude!! And for bein’ with me for so long!
Hey y’all! More work from the graphic novel project (which will likely get done when I’m 40).
Some work I did this summer for a graphic novel project of mine! (With a bad working title - what a cop out, using two characters’ names, c’mon, me)
All the external adoration, respect and adulation in the word, can’t drown out the internal voices that tell us, we are not good enough and unworthy of; happiness, love and an abundant life. When we need others to tell us were amazing, worthy and lovable, in order to feel good about ourselves, it is never enough. It goes into the bottomless pit where our inherent self-worth should be. It may feel like we are reaching out to receive love, but in actuality, we are seeking external noise to help drown out our negative core beliefs. Love blossoms from the inside out. That is why it is so important to do the work necessary to heal our emotional wounds, to love ourselves and stand strong in who we are. Only then, are we truly free to give and receive love, unconditionally and in abundance. Jaeda DeWalt (via observando) can I get a hell yeah
All the external adoration, respect and adulation in the word, can’t drown out the internal voices that tell us, we are not good enough and unworthy of; happiness, love and an abundant life. When we need others to tell us were amazing, worthy and lovable, in order to feel good about ourselves, it is never enough. It goes into the bottomless pit where our inherent self-worth should be. It may feel like we are reaching out to receive love, but in actuality, we are seeking external noise to help drown out our negative core beliefs.
Love blossoms from the inside out. That is why it is so important to do the work necessary to heal our emotional wounds, to love ourselves and stand strong in who we are. Only then, are we truly free to give and receive love, unconditionally and in abundance.”
Jaeda DeWalt (via observando)
can I get a hell yeah
Hello everyone! At the advice of a friend, I’ve returned to Tumblr! I’m here to stay. As you all know I’ve never been too good staying in one place for too long, but Tumblr really is an invaluable resource for connecting with people, writers, illustrators, cartoonists, and reading comics and stories you couldn’t find elsewhere. Additionally, this blog had a purpose as a question-and-answer site and I plan on continuing that as well.
Here’s a bit of what I’ve been doing!
Picture 1: Me! With one of my favorite graphic novels of all time, Goodbye, Chunky Rice by Craig Thompson.
Picture 2: Me in my natural college habitat. This is senior year for me as an art major! Time to write that resume!
Picture 3: The beginning of my first comic, which will be ready to print by November. Called “95”, it will expose in 8-page vignettes what it is like to live day-to-day as a teenager with an eating disorder. It’s my hope that discussing openly (and visually!) this isolating and secretive problem in a form that’s easily readable will make people who are going through this issue not feel so alone.
Picture 4: The thumbnails for the first issue of “95”! (Drawn in the back of religion class, no less!)
I hope everyone who has been with me in my Tumblr (and DeviantART!) travels is doing really well. I’m excited to start communicating with everyone again!
The Princess Mononoke stage adaptation has opened in London to sell-out performances and rave reviews. The play’s puppets and costumes are made out of recycled material, reflecting Miyazaki’s environmental message.
OH MY GOD
ok i’ve hit a thousand followers because of some bad decisions and i guess it’s time to do one of these WOW
IGUANAMOUTH’S 1000TH FOLLOWER GIVEAWAY
- there will be three winners who get one of the above things
- the first name picked gets to pick whatever they want the most, the second one gets to choose from the two left, and the last one gets whatever’s left tough beans
- you get to choose from a either drawing of whatever the hell you want, your oc, porn, whatever floats your yacht
- two pokemon charms of your choice because they’re pretty small and easy to make
- orrrrr one scalement necklace with a little noose on it!! the scalemate up there is sollux flavored because ronni has a fetish but yours can be whatever
- first up you dont have to be following me who even wants to do that
- you get as many reblogs and likes as you want because they’re only going to show up once on the feed anyway ahah
- the giveaway ends 1/30/2013 10:37 PST because who cares
- winners will be announced january 31 like as soon as the day starts
- you’ve got a 24 hours to respond so i guess watch the skies for news
- i’m going to try to ship ANYWWHERRRE so you have to be comfortable with giving me an address alright
if you have an questions its probably because im shitty at explaining but feel free to drop me a line
pt. 1 of a series entitled “I thought you said you liked long hair…”
women in our society grow up believing that body hair is unnatural, and that the removal of hair is a ritualistic practice to be done as often as possible. we see ads for shaving creams featuring long, lean, hairless legs being caressed by a man. we see hairy women being automatically labeled as man hating feminists or as being unkempt, dirty, and lazy. we want women to look like girls; hairless, fresh, clean, and new. we’re scared of aging, of growth, of change, and so we shave, and we wax, and we pluck. body hair makes society cringe, and so we put in the work.
In “I thought you said you liked long hair…” I attempt to address the problematic ways in which society views hair. Long hair is the ideal, but only if it’s in the right place. So to the countless men who have told me that they prefer women with long hair, you’re getting what you’ve asked for.
© Patricia Ann Alvarado